And now here we are.
Noor jumps out of the car, looking horrid in grey sweats and a crumpled t-shirt. “Homewrecker, how do you sleep at night?” she shouts from across the parking lot.
I say nothing. She goes in for another swing, “I cannot even believe I am talking to you, you disgust me.”
Low blow, but nonetheless understandable.
“Look, you probably don’t realize it but, in a way, I did you a huge favor,” I speak calmly, feeding off her neurosis. This was too easy.
“How can someone like you, with your morals, and this,” Noor gestures wildly at my outfit, “do me any kind of favor?”
I’m starting to lose my patience. “Please drop the holier than thou attitude, it’s getting old, wila la’ Noor? I’ve seen pictures of you partying all over town, acting like some desperate teenager willing to do anything to fit in, it’s sad sara7a.”
Noor is stunned into silence. I carry on. “In any case, for whatever reason, you are here. You must be the slightest bit curious.”
I tell her everything; the affair, the lies, the conspiring, the threats, the money. Noor shakes her head in disbelief, she calls me a liar. Part of me feels sorry for her, but it is what it is.
I calm down and deliver one last icy sentence, “Look, I am not proud of myself or my choices. But if I had to do it all over again, I would. Now you know the truth, you are finally free,” with that I walk away.
I feel as if I’ve parked my car on the other side of the universe, I cannot seem to reach it fast enough. A soft autumn breeze blows in my face as a reminder not to cry in public. What was I thinking coming here?
I drop my purse again. I don’t know if Sama is watching me. I dare not look back, looking back is what got me into this situation in the first place. Once I am sure I am alone, I call my Mama. I needed to be with my children and parents, I needed to be home. I take a leave of absence from work and board the next flight to Riyadh, leaving Amman and everyone in it far behind.
On the plane I replay my conversation with Sama. I then think about everything Rashed had said and done over the past few months. None of it makes sense to me. I take comfort in the fact that I will probably never understand what happened.
As the plane lands and I gather my belongings, I think about what Sama told me. “You are finally free.”
And although I would never admit this to anyone…
I think maybe, she’s right.
To catch up on Chapter 9, click here.