One major change in our daily lives with the start of the twenty first century is our overall awareness of clean eating. There are mounds of information about organic foods and superfoods packed high with nutrition and numerous things that are apparently good for you, regardless of the fact that you cannot even pronounce their names!
No one can deny the importance of making sure that what we ingest is good for us… but some people have just taken it to another gastronomic level.. Enter Superfood Sally!!
Oh Sally, her kitchen cabinet is like the Paris fashion week of food products, you have a lot of expensive items but you have no idea how to use any of them in a practical way! Superfood Sally was not always this superfood-conscious … she used to be interested in being healthy but never actually obsessed with it, she even had a cheat day once in a while!
Over the years though, something shifted, she had an epiphany in some retreat she was on somewhere in Africa or India and when she came home, she threw out everything that can be defined as regular people food.
Sally will invite you over for coffee and give you Matcha tea instead! If you ask for milk, she will offer you every type of non-milk option on the planet outside of what has been known to be milk for the past million years. The bitter green Matcha goes well with the non-flour, zero sugar, organic cookies she made with a variation of seeds that basically taste like sandpaper..
Superfood Sally has links to the mafia… the organic-produce mafia that is! She has the names and numbers of all those magic elves who grow their own food and will box and send it to you for a small fortune. They even bake bread, but it is not really bread! (Bread is thy enemy!)
There is one electrical machine that Superfood Sally cannot live without, no it isn’t the treadmill … it’s her juicer! Sally will juice plants and vegetables and powders and spices and weird-sounding syrups for breakfast, lunch and dinner…no wait Sally hasn’t had dinner since 2007. She will juice grass if studies prove that it’s good for the immune system.
While all of the above is how Superfood Sally used to live… I am deeply worried about her in week 3 of the Corona lockdown. Is Sally in shock? Is her superfood lifestyle in jeopardy? How will Sally get all her goods when she can’t get in her car? Can she walk to the store? The store is closed!
Well I’m here to put your mind at ease, Corona lockdown cannot keep Sally down! Sally fooled you all, she has her own herb and vegetable garden. She knew she was doing the right thing when she delved into botany!
Organic veggies? Check. Organic green leaves of all kinds? Check!
Now we move on to the next hurdle, the gym.. Did you really think that Sally doesn’t have every piece of gym equipment at home? She bought it all one day when she was out shopping for yoga socks. They are all in their packages waiting for the day they would be unveiled!
What about the salts and powders and rare herbs from places I cannot pronounce? Did you think Sally is an amateur? She has a stash! Please, you don’t know who you’re dealing with! As for moving her body, she is up at 5 AM (before you’re allowed to walk outside) to meditate. She will do an online class in full view of her instructor and not cheat the camera like the rest of us do (admit it, you pretend to do some moves).
She will have a brisk walk in the afternoon to clear her head. You’re thinking even Sally needs something indulgent in such unprecedented times? Don’t tell anyone but she was caught with a bar of 99% dark, tastes like bitter sand, chocolate last night.
Do not try calling Superfood Sally these days, she is taking an online course to become an instructor of something no one has ever heard of, and reading articles about how to make non-dairy, dairy at home!
Until next time…